Sad News (Garajti Khabrain espessial Edishion)

Farewell to Amar X (he does not use his slave name given by his ex-british masterno more), who departed us yesterday in painful agony. His cause of death as per his guest (Mr. Akbar noonwala,who was visiting Amar for his vacation) was the painful realization that Mr. Amar's guest had no real interest in the work of kipling or pre partition India (which according to Amar results in mass illiteracy), resulting in severe shock (and swallowing of tooth brush in his mouth at the time) which according to medical report caused sudden bowel irritation and exacberated his already chronic anal retentiveness. Mr. Amar was found sitting on the toilet bowl, with kipling's Kim in his right hand and the left finger in his nose.

Mr. Akbar was taken into custody on suspicion of inciting the tooth brush to slip down Amar's throat. Mr. Akbar is still in detention until the actual cause of Amar's death is established. Moreover Mr. Akbar does not resemble the picture in his passport and has stated his place of birth as Libya, resulting in further detention of Mr. Akbar Noon wala for a week.

Having no identifiable faith and/or last wish, Mr. Amar's body will lie in state in the British Mueseum of Religious History. Visiting hours are from 9am - 5pm. His favourite 'Ferrero Rocher' chocolate powder is being used to preserve the body. However the team involved in the preservation of Mr. Amar's body found deep scrathes in Amar's sharp short tounge on which chocolate powder does not settle. Hence the use of cow dung powder was necessary.

Neighbours, friends, and relative have expressed deep sorrow over his sudden departure. According to a close source Amar was so attached to kipling and pre partition india, that he was spending more time with kipling books than human beings.

The staff at Garajti Khabrain remember Amar in their memories and pray that his soul (if any) achieves Kipling Nirvana.