Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Dr. SamarBand Mubarak Story

Listen! Listen! I have a story to tell. Yes indeed that of the real father of the Pakistani atomic bomb. No it’s not AQ khan …he was a bastard himself. How could he father a legitimate bomb?

It is actually the real story behind A-Bomb test in 1998 as told by the obscure Dr Mubarak. The story started with a question about the reality of A Q khan’s recent scandal. It so emerged that Khan Sahib was well known to be a very corrupt person and his antics were known since ‘97. Holder of a 400M dollar account in Dubai, khan’s greed for wealth, did not spare his own country’s security. It is known within higher circles, that one of the many centrifuges sold by khan have ended in a Nuclear plant near city of Hyderabad, India…Wily Indians again!

Such secrets not known to my innocent ears were revealed by the Doctor himself to a close friend, who also happens to be my close friend. I cannot fathom how true his anecdotes were, but believe what you want to from the story below, as I narrate how he told me the story of the nuclear test which was told to him. It’s a story of how God himself wanted Pakistan to be a nuclear power. How metaphysical reality interfered to make a doomed test successful and hence make the muslim ummah hold its head high!

Immediately after the wily Indians test their A-bombs (I know not why? Maybe to show off their supremacy to a pestering little neighbor?) Pakistani scientists on the orders of Mian Jii (Nawaz Shareef) start preparation for their own response to India’s nuclear test. Not one but six tests.

Obviously as it is well known, the tests were carried out in remote area of Balochistan. Being a barren place, the area was known for cases of snake and scorpion bites. Our Dr. Samarband was made in charge of carrying out the tests in Balochistan. Being aware of the snake and scorpion hazard, he wanted to ensure everybody that his team of scientists was alright and none of them encountered such a hazard over the next 15 days. However very surprisingly no one had been bitten.

It was a miracle which the Doctor thought as luck rather than hand of God.

The listener is made to suffer ( and so shall you- the reader :-) ) more stories of such metaphysical miracles, such as a ten hour trip to fix a car shortened into 2 ½ hrs etc. The point essentially being that Allah was giving a helping hand in this good cause for Pakistnai Ummah while Dr. Samarband was a God less scientist before his conversion.

However the interesting turn takes place when a well known Aalim (Spiritual guide/scholar) calls on the Doctor. No! Not for hernia bro!...for imparting spiritual knowledge. Yea…well going back to the story.

Our Doctor friend flies to Islamabad and meets the old geezer Aalim. The listener is further made to suffer by being explained how the Aalim recognized a casually dressed scientist through a crowd of people…Sometimes Pakistani metaphysical bull shit gets on my nerves and really pisses me off!!.

So the cherry on top for all this reading was that the Aalim held the scientists hand (no he is not gay) and guided him to his private quarters upstairs (no!..he is still not gay!). There seated were other elderly people (No! it’s not an orgy Akbar!).

There the Doctor was asked about his praying habits and religious orientation. Then he was told about all the incidents he faced in Baluchistan during the testing, moment for moment. With a look of amazement the Doctor nodded his head in agreement. How do they know all this!? Wondered the Doctor Samarband!

We know son…For our beloved Prophet Muhammad predicted that a hero would bring lots of power to Muslims. And it was you!

The listener (that’s me)…straining his ears...and hides a middle finger pointed toward this bastard telling a bunch of lies….The prophet predicted Pakistan having an Atom bomb...he got a revelation?…isn’t that blasphemous. Its not even recorded in the Quran!? A revelation missed from the Quran. What is he saying!?..its Slaman Rushdie all over again!..O My God!....Help!......

Ever since then Dr. Samarband Mubarak has never missed a prayer or a fast or a Islamic class… Having done his duty to the country and seeing the downfall of the great A.Q.Khan, Dr. Samarband apparently is currently serving as the head of the AQ research Laboratories serving his country and people and probably feeling good about being called Hero of Islam by the Prophet.