Monday, December 26, 2005

Even Farts have nationalities

This is true. Very true. After 26 years of breathing all kinds of air, I have developed a keen ear for farts. Not to mention the various post falafel enlightening experiences. The fringe benefits of working in accounting industry in Saudi ;).

Middle East is the main hub of gas release….but unfortunately it seems this fartocide has affected the atmosphere or the ozone layer above New Zealand. Such a green beautiful hippy place...Tsk…tsk…victim of somebody else’s gas problems.

Let’s start with Egypt. The most Pharaonic farts willl be found here. Egyptian style beans and falafel is sufficient for an Egyptian taxi driver to stir a gas storm.

Sure a fart is natural act of God. (Amar and Anthony may not concur about the God bit in thier own buddhist/wily hindu and christian way- as if i give a fart about it), but the timing and placing makes the difference in perception. In Saudi it seems time and place are irrelevant and a constant. Here a milieu of Indian, Pakistani, Bengali, Sri Lankan and Egyptians will be found…farting away contently without having to worry about things like income or pollution tax.

There are some farts which sound a like a helicopter hovering above…and other so silent that could kill….and yet I have never seen or heard a white man fart…maybe because they get better paid than the rest here. I shrug away the thought.

The psychology of farts is also very important...especially among desi sub continentals…it seems the Punjabis (Pakistan side) cringe at the thought of farting loudly in an enclosed bathroom but don’t a care in the world for farting openly in the street. It’s strange but remarkably true.

With the majority of Bengalis who are poor in Saudi...I don’t think their diet is sufficient for them to even afford a fart.

While the Indians, show a sense of loss if they fart.

Sri Lankan...I barely know so I don’t tread there…..forgive my ignorance dear Sri Lankan reader.

With the Afghans and Pathans...I am not really sure what is hidden behind that smile...the self sufficient contented smile hides a lot of noise….and smell.

The Mohajirs. Our majority brothers of Karachi…such gentlemen...educated and very well cohesive. They are mild mannered even with their farts. A small gap created under the seat and it is released u don’t even know whether it was the MQM* or gang rape.

Farts represent that unexpressed satisfaction and gratification to God that we are breathing and releasing…now and then. Without this fart life would be very quiet and dull indeed. Fart away people and a Happy New Year!

* MQM stand for Mohajir (Mutahidda) Qaumi Movement – meaning, Mohajir Nationalist Movement. According to my version of wikipedia, this is a bunch of Urdu speeching (not typo) murderers, political terrorists who have misled their people in order to receive lotsa goodies to finance their leader’s stay in London. Please feel free to refer to the real Wikipedia. :-)