Thursday, January 11, 2007

Garajti Khabrain (Jeddah – Nottingham and back via London edishon)

Hello and welcome back! Our field reporter has come back with some exciting news from Inglistan. England lost the Quarter final to Portugal. (that’s not exciting). No but you won't have to put up with over rated English team for next four years. (Reason for delay: Our field reporter came in last night on a donkey from UK).

Our reporter Akbar was dumped by his fiancée last night. She came across certain pics of him smoking marijuana with Amar seth and drinking wine. She was disappointed that Akbar did not live up to his name by practicing Deen-e-elahi.

Son of Amar recently disappeared from the madrassah where was learning Kim and Quran. Hearing no news from him, his guardian Akbar Noonwala alerted the Interpol as many of his valued AK-47 were missing from the madrassah premises.

Son of Amar was picked up in Venice enjoying a 50 cent Traghetto ride. A stash of Umbrellas and Flowers were found with him. He apparently disheartened with the slow progress of Kim and Quran decided to join the Venetian Bengali fraternity to sell floweray and Umbrellay. He even admitted to be influenced by fight club and started working in San Crispino (world famous gelato) and apparently took a whiz in their mango flavor ice cream machine.

Fatwa updates:

Readers may recall from our last edishon of Garajti Khabrain, two pending fatwas with the local Shoura Council.

In the case of the Danish cow with the Pakistani father, the shoura has established that the father is indeed muslim, however, only a certain Talebani sect of muslim cows may bear calves whose meat is Halal and distributable. This Talebani sect is mostly found in the valleys of Tora Bora.

The calf’s father in question originated from the sunni muslim sect based in Punjab hence the calf is disqualified from being recognized as provider of halal meat or dairy products.

The second pending Fatwa pertained to Mullah Hantush of Virility Sandwiches fame. His request to hire circumcised monkeys within the MAkkah Grand Mosque premises has been accepted, provided that the monkeys do not consume the sandwiches, which would require them to be castrated.

However, disappointing events have taken place for Mullah Hantush since then. The monkeys have transferred their employment sponsorship and setup shop as barbers in service of pilgrims.

Amar seth has requested the Shoura to investigate the possibility of converting to Islam without the need for circumcision. He is prepared to donate all his wealth to World Assembly of Muslim Youth after conversion and involve himself in Jihadist activities provided he does not have to circumcise.

Internashional newses

Amar and Anthony have joined hands in London for the betterment of the the popular front for the liberation of khalistan = world muslim sikh organisation . (Anthony is actually an under cover Muslim- not any more I guess and Amar is supposed to be a good khalistani in front of his mummy papa).

The aim to encourage the british sikh and muslim youth to drop Bhangra rap and madrassahs respectively and move to India to fight for a even more colourful and free Punjab.

Saddam Hussein is from Mianwali??

In his last minutes, which were not properly recorded, Saddam Hussein is said to have spoken rapidly in Punjabi (Mianwali accent –where Imran Khan comes form) to the masked security officials. Rumors have spread like wildfire that a duplicate Saddam was provided by the ISI (Pakistani secret service).

The Iraqi govt has denied this rumor as Bullshit.

A Bengali national was recently detained and strip searched at Washington airport. Apparently he did not declare the Mustard oil he had been carrying on his self as a food item. On further interrogation he revealed that he would have used an overdose of mustard oil to assassinate our Bengali brother Anthony for blaspheming Netaji Bose . On his person were found an Id card from an Indian based company called Desi Pundit.

Mr. Anthony was visiting Washington to promote Ghandhi-giri, despite being a staunch Bengali national. He acknowledged that he had written the scandalous article, but was not aware that it would be taken so seriously as to amount an assassination attempt.

He maintained his right to free speech, and made it a point to return to Bangladesh after his visit is over to express his views on Netaji openly. However, our field reporter notes that his one-way ticket is Sydney via France.

That’s all for now folks!