Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Dr. Dhakna (bottlecap) Chaudry (DDC) part IV –The Gillette Blade scandal

Click here to read DDC Part I

Click here to read DDC Part II

Click here to read DDC Part III

The prodigal uncle DDC took the first flight out of Pakistan for Saudi. The pilgrimage visa was valid for one month, but he ended up being a guest of nephew for six months.

Six months. Time stood still for six years it seemed for the nephew. Taking a risk of his own deportation the nephew diplomatically tolerated the overbearing uncle’s stay. DDC was getting old and crazier. The heat of Arabia made him even more shameless.

Based in the desi dominant area of Aziziyah in the city of Jeddah, DDC wasted no time in making social contacts. Leading a retired army officer’s routine, he would start the day with a light breakfast made by his favorite niece (light meaning, two fried eggs, three parathas (ghee bread) and two cups of tea).

Breakfast would be followed by a general tour of the locality and having tea at regular intervals with shopkeepers in local market. At the same time the local girl’s school was nearby, hence ogling sessions were in full swing at school closing time.

Prayer was held at the nearby mosque. DDC prayed five times a day faithfully. He also managed to perform the major ritual of Hajj during the six months. But it did result him in losing his bag of under garments with dollar bills in it.

So much for Hajj being a start of a new life, DDC started with new crimes, in order to make up for the loss of the dollars during Hajj.

This was near the time of his departure. Rumors abounded in the market. Shoplifting, flirting and hooting female school teachers etc. But the biggest embarrassment was the revelation itself.
A shopkeeper approached the prodigal nephew for help. DDC had apparently been shoplifting Gillette blades from one shop and selling them for a margin in the other. But more seriously a very expensive nose hair removal machine went missing.

The nephew dug it out of his bag during DDC’s absence and returned it to the shopkeeper.

But the final nail in the coffin was when police started investigating the neighborhood, for missing Air conditioners. They had been stolen from the local mosque overnight. DDC was the last person seen in the mosque. He had volunteered to clean up the mosque in the place of the car taker, who had to take emergency leave.

Ever since the incident, DDC is still wanted by the local police. The prodigal nephew managed to help DDC escape the country through Yemen border and with the help of certain contacts from the Pakistani consulate.


DDC to date runs a faltering practice in Karachi, in of those middle class suburbs, injecting patients with water making them believe its pain killer.

Various complaints have been filed regarding his conduct. Some instances include slapping an aged patient in order to help him swallow capsules. Also many women have complained that he lewdly pointed the index finger downwards to signal them that their spouse has erectile dysfunction problem (and that he is available for second marriage).

Rumor has it that he also killed an old lady crossing the street with his car. It was unintentional of course. But he got away due to his military card and accusing the dead woman of committing suicide by jumping in front of his car.

Last I met him was when playing carom board game. He played brilliant carom but showed his mental incapacity by mimicking my carom partner’s talking style and gestures in the game. Finally my partner threw the carom board aside and left angrily. DDC simply straightened his hair and applied Boric (cockroach) powder to them while humming Hemant Kumar Hindi songs, reminiscing Dhaka memories.